A Ramble. Or, if you prefer, a Rant.

A friend said that my attitude seemed darker lately. Wondered if maybe it was because of my job, now my previous job, as I've moved on. That may have been part of it, as I had many frustrations and issues that I figured were not going to be cleared up anytime soon. When you're in a situation like that, you either continue to put up with it, or bag it. I decided to bag it. Still, I had to wonder. Was mr. Happy Most of the Time Guy gone? No. He's there. He's around most of the time. He just sees alot of things coming. Dark things. Seeing the coming darkness doesn't destroy my personal happiness. Nor my joy.

There's a difference you know.  Happiness, in my view, is found in many things. For instance, the coffee shop at the Church I go to has a drink called a Cherry Bomb. It made me VERY happy. After the brain freeze subsided and my face started moving again. Seeing Marge after 2 weeks made me happy. She's one of the ladies I greet with, and she's like a Grandmom to me. I love that lady, just like another Margaret in Louisiana. Anyway, she's great, and I always smile broader than normal when I see her. Her husband doesn't come anymore. He's starting to fade and is too weak. Another gal who makes me smile there is Carola. She's from Germany, married to Pierre from Quebec. She's wicked smart and wicked sweet. She's in Germany just now as her dad just passed last week. I miss her and Pierre. They brought me some meals when I was out with my knee, and then my calf tear. They, as well as other family and friends make me happy. Happy to be around, and happy to think about when apart.

Joy comes from one source in my book. God. Everyday I am joyful to be alive. Not always happy about it, but joyful, nonetheless. He is my source of energy, my ability to shrug off damn near anything and continue on with life. Even when I'd rather not. He is my strength and determination. He is always there to listen. I hold nothing back. How could I? He already knows. He sent His son, as well as the Holy Spirit. For me. How could I be anything less than Joyful? So, how can I be joyful, yet sometimes unhappy? In many things, happiness is external. Joy comes from within.

I spend a great deal of time alone. That's the nature of my job. I have lots of time to think, especially since the truck I drive has crappy radio reception. You'd think truck manufacturers would work on that, but, no. As the trucks become more packed with technology, radio reception suffers. The old external a.m. antenna is gone, for the most part. Another relic. Like me. Also, audio books wouldn't work to well in this job as some of the trips are quite short. Anyway, I have a lot of time to think, to pray, to ponder. Since I drive at night, I have more time, as most people are home in bed except for the other nightingales and the drinkers. I don't see many of them. So, you can sing to yourself, or talk and pray to the Father. I do the latter frequently. Some of the guys I used to talk to at night no longer run the dark hours, so, can't call them.

So, the darkness I see coming. Yes, I do see it. The World has gone nuts. Islam is running roughshod over a World that has decided not to stand. Morals in the West have been declared hateful by our 'Betters', and anyone displaying them is attacked. From the highest positions of power, outright lying and corruption is just fine, as long as 'Our Guy' is in charge. Dare criticize the current liar, and you're racist. That's another facet of the darkness. Racial tensions are being purposely driven up, and any criticism of blacks is suddenly racist. Our History is even under attack and in danger of being totally perverted. So, yes. I see darkness ahead as too many people are oblivious. You can't run a Nation like this, as poorly as it's been run over the last 70 years, with a less civicly knowledgeable populace, and remain free. The Constitution is ignored, folded, spindled and mutilated until it resembles nothing like the document put out and ratified, finally, in 1790. Too many operate on feelings instead of thought. NEVER a good thing. So I see darkness.

Yet, I see light and much to smile about every hour of every day. I make people smile if they aren't. I find a way. I want them to have the simple joy of life that I have. No matter how dark it gets, or how dark I may come across, I am truly full of light and life, and the love of both. As a flawed, fallen human being, I am capable of evil. As a child of God, adopted and grafted into the Tree of Life through Jesus, I am able, through Him, to resist. THAT, is where Joy and Perseverance comes from.
End of Ramble..

                                                                                 Billiam

Musings

I often wonder what my immediate future holds. Not for long, of course, but I do. I know that my old age will not be pleasant, as I have little savings for retirement, nor do I think SSI will be viable. Still, I don't worry, as my trust is in something greater than I. So, I don't lose sleep over it. The pages are already written. Despite the pain, I will go on. To do less would be an insult to Him who created me. Do I wish for an end? Yes, sometimes. It's His story though, not mine. I am but a player who must do his level best each day to honor the Author of Life. Anything less, would be an insult. Do I fail? EVERY DAY! Sometimes miserably. Yet, He picks me up, dusts me off, and sends me forth yet again. Even when I would that it were over. I am tired, yet, His grace is sufficient. THAT, is the Hope that lies within me. Sometimes, it's all I have. All any of us has.

"The fool says in his heart, there is no God!" There are many fools these days. There are many churches populated by them. They buy into the prosperity 'gospel', or the name it claim it 'gospel', or the everything is sunshine and lollipops 'gospel', or the god wants you to be happy all the time 'gospel, or the god is love and love only 'gospel'. In other words, there's a LOT of false preaching going on. It's mostly feel good pap that doesn't develop deep roots that can withstand adversity and hard times. It doesn't tell one the WHY of Jesus' sacrifice, or of the wrath of God! Jesus PROMISED us trials and hard times. He said the World will hate us, but to remember that it hated Him first. Sound like sunshine being blown up your backside? I didn't think so. No, these churches mustn't make the butts in the pews uncomfortable! Lord no! They might get offended and leave!

Or, they might realize how wretched we are, how sinful, and they just might be saved from the wrath to come! When challenged, they might be able to withstand, and give a reason for the hope that lies within, rather than fall away! They might stand! The Gospel of Jesus, the Word of God SHOULD make you uncomfortable!  It should make you hang your head in shame at your wretchedness! It should make you question your life! Why?! Because it will then, and ONLY then, lift you up to heights you never imagined, and they'll be real! When attacked, you'll stand, because you stand on HIS word! You have a solid base. Deep roots. Testing will come. Every day. Challenges, from others, and yourself. With deep roots, you won't quit, nor will you recant. With deep roots, NOTHING will turn you away from the Author of Life. Nothing will shake your faith in Him, as well as the Son and the holy Spirit. You will love Him with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. All day, every day.

Wonderings

I often wonder and ponder the why of things. Lately, it's why am I treated the way I am at work. I got hurt on the job. Twice in the span of months between October and January, to where I wasn't able to work, with the exception of two weeks, from the end of October until Late March. It wasn't intentional. It was just a 'shit happens' kind of thing. I wasn't happy, the company wasn't happy. Finally, I was cleared to return to full duty. I was lied to upon my return about available equipment. Blatantly so. I was then put in a part of the company doing essentially the same thing, but making less money. This had to come down from 'On High'. I say this because, as we all know, "Shit rolls down hill." My supervisor does what he can to make me $$, but he can only do so much, and I am grateful for that. He and another are the main reason I'm still there. That, and I still have some vacation to use.

So, I ponder why. I'm a hard worker. I show up on time, often early. I do my job, I don't wreck equipment, nor do I piss off the customer. In fact, I help the customer, when necessary, in ways that the company doesn't know about. Yes, as anyone, I can be a pain in the nether regions. A pest. So, because I was injured on the job, had two work comp claims, I am now of no use? I'm just to be cast off? Seems so. This happened at the last company I worked for, only it wasn't a work comp injury. I'd torn the sleeve of the Achilles Tendon going up my stairs at home. I worked with the injury for a couple of months before getting it checked out. When I found out, I was off two months. When I came back to work, the attitude towards me had changed. Nearly 12 years, a Million Mile safe driving award, and almost 100% on-time service and happy customers didn't mean squat. They set about to starve me out. Now, it would seem, it's happening again. The previous was a large company, the current, a small one. But, as Yoda says, "Size matters not!" Wisdom from a puppet. 

American business sometimes wonders why there is little loyalty among employees. I would posit that the reason is that there is little to none from the companies. No matter how I feel mistreated, I will do my job the best I can until my last day. That's what I'm paid for, and that I shall do. That's my work ethic. The code I live my life by. I'm unhappy, somewhat, with the situation, but I love what I do. So, I am having fun and enjoying life. It's the old saying, "If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life." I love what I do, though, some days.. Well, we all have THOSE days, do we not?

Back to my pondering. What goes through the mind of someone who'll cast off a good and loyal employee over a couple of injuries, when there is no history of it in ones past that it's a habit, or recurring thing? I ask, as I can't wrap my mind around it. I've been told that I'm naive to expect any thing different. It's just the way the world is. To which I reply, "It doesn't HAVE to be!" WE, all of us, make choices on how we treat and act towards others. So, it's a choice to do this or that, no one is forced. So why choose to be that way? I don't know. Yet, the question tasks me.