A friend said that my attitude seemed darker lately. Wondered if maybe it was because of my job, now my previous job, as I've moved on. That may have been part of it, as I had many frustrations and issues that I figured were not going to be cleared up anytime soon. When you're in a situation like that, you either continue to put up with it, or bag it. I decided to bag it. Still, I had to wonder. Was mr. Happy Most of the Time Guy gone? No. He's there. He's around most of the time. He just sees alot of things coming. Dark things. Seeing the coming darkness doesn't destroy my personal happiness. Nor my joy.
There's a difference you know. Happiness, in my view, is found in many things. For instance, the coffee shop at the Church I go to has a drink called a Cherry Bomb. It made me VERY happy. After the brain freeze subsided and my face started moving again. Seeing Marge after 2 weeks made me happy. She's one of the ladies I greet with, and she's like a Grandmom to me. I love that lady, just like another Margaret in Louisiana. Anyway, she's great, and I always smile broader than normal when I see her. Her husband doesn't come anymore. He's starting to fade and is too weak. Another gal who makes me smile there is Carola. She's from Germany, married to Pierre from Quebec. She's wicked smart and wicked sweet. She's in Germany just now as her dad just passed last week. I miss her and Pierre. They brought me some meals when I was out with my knee, and then my calf tear. They, as well as other family and friends make me happy. Happy to be around, and happy to think about when apart.
Joy comes from one source in my book. God. Everyday I am joyful to be alive. Not always happy about it, but joyful, nonetheless. He is my source of energy, my ability to shrug off damn near anything and continue on with life. Even when I'd rather not. He is my strength and determination. He is always there to listen. I hold nothing back. How could I? He already knows. He sent His son, as well as the Holy Spirit. For me. How could I be anything less than Joyful? So, how can I be joyful, yet sometimes unhappy? In many things, happiness is external. Joy comes from within.
I spend a great deal of time alone. That's the nature of my job. I have lots of time to think, especially since the truck I drive has crappy radio reception. You'd think truck manufacturers would work on that, but, no. As the trucks become more packed with technology, radio reception suffers. The old external a.m. antenna is gone, for the most part. Another relic. Like me. Also, audio books wouldn't work to well in this job as some of the trips are quite short. Anyway, I have a lot of time to think, to pray, to ponder. Since I drive at night, I have more time, as most people are home in bed except for the other nightingales and the drinkers. I don't see many of them. So, you can sing to yourself, or talk and pray to the Father. I do the latter frequently. Some of the guys I used to talk to at night no longer run the dark hours, so, can't call them.
So, the darkness I see coming. Yes, I do see it. The World has gone nuts. Islam is running roughshod over a World that has decided not to stand. Morals in the West have been declared hateful by our 'Betters', and anyone displaying them is attacked. From the highest positions of power, outright lying and corruption is just fine, as long as 'Our Guy' is in charge. Dare criticize the current liar, and you're racist. That's another facet of the darkness. Racial tensions are being purposely driven up, and any criticism of blacks is suddenly racist. Our History is even under attack and in danger of being totally perverted. So, yes. I see darkness ahead as too many people are oblivious. You can't run a Nation like this, as poorly as it's been run over the last 70 years, with a less civicly knowledgeable populace, and remain free. The Constitution is ignored, folded, spindled and mutilated until it resembles nothing like the document put out and ratified, finally, in 1790. Too many operate on feelings instead of thought. NEVER a good thing. So I see darkness.
Yet, I see light and much to smile about every hour of every day. I make people smile if they aren't. I find a way. I want them to have the simple joy of life that I have. No matter how dark it gets, or how dark I may come across, I am truly full of light and life, and the love of both. As a flawed, fallen human being, I am capable of evil. As a child of God, adopted and grafted into the Tree of Life through Jesus, I am able, through Him, to resist. THAT, is where Joy and Perseverance comes from.
End of Ramble..
Billiam
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